I’m pretty sure that no one wants (or needs) to know everything going on in my life. Suffice it to say, however, that right now I’m feeling sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I blogged last week about being overwhelmed. I had a lot of really awesome people comment and offer support and advice, and I truly appreciate that more than I can say. And, I’ve taken some of the advice. I have a doctor’s appointment for Monday. I’m anxious for it, but hopefully it will give me a few answers that I need. Also, I’ve made little dents on the house, starting with our bedroom. My BFF is coming to visit in a little over a week and the whole house needs to be done by then. Normally I pay someone to do my cleaning, but because of other circumstances out of my control at the moment, I’m going to have to do it myself.
Those other circumstances out of my control are the ones that are really stressing me out. I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety over them. My hope is that given a little bit of time (and really, a little bit of time is all that we really have to give, because otherwise things can go bad quickly), things will improve and be ok. Don’t worry – my marriage and daughter are all fine!
If you’re friends with me on Facebook, you may know that my aunt was in a very bad car accident almost a week ago. She was at fault. She’s fortunate to be alive, but to be completely honest, the outlook isn’t very positive. I love her dearly, and she has always been there for my brother and I, but she got herself into a situation she shouldn’t have been in. She’s 78 and has been in failing health for some time. We love to joke about how quirky she is (our favorites are about her photo skills – at our wedding she spent most of her time with the lens pointed towards her trying to figure out why it wasn’t taking photos of us), but truly she is a very intelligent independent woman. Never married, she’s traveled the world and even now in her retirement she still travels. And drives. She shouldn’t. When she and my mom drove out to see us last fall, she went off the road and nearly rolled the car. This time, she crossed the center line and hit an oncoming car head on. That she only has a badly fractured leg and fractured ribs is a miracle. However, her condition is worsening.
Her heart rate is unsteady and her oxygen levels are poor. She’s a lifelong smoker, so she hasn’t done herself any favors. There’s talk of having to intubate her. My mom has some serious concerns and has already said that if the inevitable happens, that they will postpone any services until our trip there later this month. Needless to say, that doesn’t sound too reassuring. I’m just glad that the other people involved in the accident weren’t seriously injured.
So, I have a lot on my plate. But I’m doing my best to focus on the positive and fix what I can fix and not fixate too much on that which is out of my hands.