Today is always hard

Eight years ago this morning I was sleeping on the sofa at my friend Tina’s apartment in San Francisco, as I did most weekends when my phone rang before 7am. It was my brother to let me know that my grandma had passed away.

She had been sick for not quite two years at that time, and was 95 years old when she passed away. She lived a wonderfully healthy life until she was 94, when she had a TIA (mini-stroke) which resulted in a fall in which she sustained compression fractures in her back. Even though she had two granddaughters who are occupational therapists, she didn’t want to participate in therapy, and never left nursing care after that hospital admission. The day she had her TIA and fall she was making brownies in her kitchen. She was healthy as a horse all her life, and never took anything stronger than Alka Seltzer or aspirin. In her last few weeks, though she had lucid moments she was mostly confused and then became unable to eat.

Fortunately I saw her not quite two months before she passed away at Christmas time. I will always be grateful for that.

My grandma raised my brother and myself every summer until I was in junior high. We spent every afternoon at the swimming pool. Her own children will tell you she was a horrible mother, but Craig and I will tell you that she was the best grandmother ever. Perhaps she realized that she failed in some ways as a mother and turned her efforts into making up for that with her grandchildren.

This summer I was finally able to visit her gravesite. I wasn’t able to be home for her funeral. It took over 7 years for me to finally get up the courage to go visit her. I brought Violet with me, as she is her namesake. I think about how much she would have loved her, and how proud she would have been of me. I know that she is watching over us, and especially Violet.

I am terribly lucky that I have not suffered much loss in my life. Prior to her passing away, my grandfather died when I was 8. At that time I think I was still too young to really comprehend it. My mother’s parents passed away before I was born. I’ve lost two family dogs, and last summer my aunt passed away. But my grandma’s death has been the hardest to deal with.

I’ve had some closure now that I’ve visited her gravesite, but I still think of her often. The picture that I posted is on display in our dining room, and Violet often will play with some of the pictures we have on display there. This one is the one she chooses most often.

If you still have your grandparents, love them and cherish them. Let them be part of your life, and be a part of theirs. Life is precious. Don’t take any moment with your loved ones for granted.

I miss you, grandma.