Things I’ve learned in therapy… so far

So, one of the things I’ve been doing in my “working on me” time is to start weekly therapy sessions. I have a lot of issues to work through. A lot.

I like my therapist. She’s nice. She’s motherly. And she’s friendly. I’m not 100% sure she’s the best fit for me with my binge eating issues, and with my psych background I sometimes feel like I should be able to “fix” myself rather than have to pay someone to do it for me, but I am giving it a try.

But what I’ve discovered that I’m almost embarrassed that I had never put together before, is that my biggest issues began when I left California 9 years ago.

The binge eating. That started about 6 months after I left California. I never had huge issues with my weight prior to moving to Colorado. I had been about 10 lbs over my “high” BMI weight, but I went on Weight Watchers and lost not only those 10 lbs but 20 more. I was at a very healthy weight and in the best shape of my life. But I also was spending almost every day with friends doing something I loved. I spent all summer long at the ballpark surrounded by dozens of friends – people I liked, who liked me, and we had fun. When the season was over, I may not have spent every day with my friends, but we still saw each other and I had plenty to do.

I was happy. And I was busy.

I left California because I was in love, and because I thought that was enough. I’m still in love, but it’s not enough. I’m lonely. I haven’t found the kind of friends I had in CA. I’ve turned into someone who used to be much more of an introvert into someone who just wants to be alone, someone who is drained with any length of social gatherings. Someone who would rather sit at home alone in the quiet, eating away her loneliness. And then, with every bite, I hate myself more. I hate the person I’ve become. I’m so far from the person I once was, and that’s who I’m trying to find and bring back.

So, I’m still in the early stages. I’m far from success. I’m far from figuring everything out. I can’t go back to California, it’s not that simple at this stage of the game. But I need to find myself and some happiness where I am now, before it’s too late.

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About Katie

Katie is the owner of Katie Talks About... A working mom to Violet, born Sept. 2008, and wife to Scott since Aug. 2006. We live in suburban Denver, CO. I love baseball, good beer, my cats, and long naps!

Comments

  1. Nicole says:

    I also have a binge eating disorder and see a specific eating disorder specialist in Westminster. I highly recommend her and she is very affordable. Love her.

  2. Liz Mays says:

    Hopefully your therapy will help you get where you need to be to deal with the issue. In time, it will happen. xo
    Liz Mays´s last blog post ..BBQ Porky Joes with #KCMasterpiece

  3. It’s so great to reflect and see how far you’ve come and where you hope to be while going through therapy sessions. This is a great way to track that. Great progress!!
    Elaina- A Time Out for Mommy´s last blog post ..Adorable New Amazon Prime Studios Show: TumbleLeaf #MC #Sponsored

  4. jeanae says:

    I am sending you huge hugs and high 5′s. I hope that she is the one, and if not, that you find the right one.
    jeanae´s last blog post ..Visiting Sea Life Grapevine Aquarium

  5. debra p says:

    I think it’s so wonderful that you’re looking into how you can be happier in your life and wish you much success! One step at a time!
    debra p´s last blog post ..BBQ Chicken Burritos with #KCMasterpiece

  6. Nicole Brady says:

    When we relocated to California from Iowa, I had the same problem. Didn’t make many new friends – no close friends. I was sad and depressed all the time. When we returned to Iowa many years later, I started taking classes at the Y. Not because of the exercise but because a friend told me that they offered free childcare while you take the classes. It was enough to get me out of my frump and make new friends. I hope you find something that allows you to not feel so alone.
    Nicole Brady´s last blog post ..A Freeze in mid-May? No Way!

  7. Sending some love your way! I hope your new therapist is able to help you out!!

  8. Talking to someone and finding when your unhappiness begin definitely sounds like a step in the right direction. I hope everything continues going well!
    Kelly @ Texas Type A Mom´s last blog post ..Get Ready for Summer with Banana Boat

  9. HilLesha says:

    Wishing you the best! I went through the same thing when I relocated. I didn’t go to therapy, but it probably would have helped me a great deal!
    HilLesha´s last blog post ..Simplify Your Summer with Dawn Hand Renewal #MyDawnSummer

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