It’s been a busy summer. I’m still working quite a bit, but I do take one week day off to spend with Violet. We usually go to a baseball game, or the pool, or some sort of structured activity. But I’m working a lot, and once again changed jobs. Or added another job. Or, I don’t know. I’m no longer full-time at the job I’ve been working for the majority of the past two years. I’m now working my way towards full-time at a job based closer to home, which I hope helps my sense of being overwhelmed.
The problem with working so much and being overweight (which I tend to blame for many things) is that I just don’t have the energy for anything once I get home. Heat + tired + fat = a night on the sofa. My house is consistently messy, my yard is ugly, and I even lack the energy to do things like making a decent dinner.
I have huge goals for the house, the yard, and myself, and then nothing happens. I sit on the sofa and eat. And then I beat myself up over the house being a mess, the yard dying, and being overweight. It’s a horrendously vicious cycle.
So how do you break the cycle? I’m not joking when I say that 7 years ago I weighed 100 pounds less than I weigh today. Even 2 years ago I weighed 75 lbs less than I weigh now. I belong to a gym. I KNOW how to eat right. I buy the right foods with intention to make great healthy meals with them and then it doesn’t happen.
I can’t blame any one thing exclusively. I can’t blame being busy, because I used to manage working 30 hours a week, going to 100 baseball games a summer and going to the gym at least 4 days a week. I didn’t have a family then, though. I can’t blame anything but myself for eating so much that I’ve gained this weight. I don’t know what’s making me so tired or lazy. Plenty of people work full time, have kids, a house, a husband and a life.
All I know is that something has to change. I’m not a happy person. I can’t tell you how many times before I fall asleep at night I think about how much I hate myself. I know I can be better. I know I can do better. But I don’t know why it doesn’t happen. I want to be able to lose the weight. I want to be able to enjoy getting back out for walks and the gym. I want to not feel like everyone’s looking at the fat girl when I’m out. I know they aren’t, but it’s a paranoia that develops after a while.
I just want to be able to figure out what’s wrong with me and to have the strength and willpower to make the changes I need to make.
About Katie
Katie, first you’re not fat. If you want to lose weight, that’s fine but please stop calling yourself fat. You are way too hard on yourself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Start trying to think positive thoughts and make a list of those goals and create deadlines for yourself, hopefully that will help. Cheering you on from here, you can do this!
thank you so much Julie, I really appreciate it
Katie – sometimes it takes reaching a ‘breaking point’ so to speak. I know I’ve reached it in my own life, and it can set you up for a great life change. It helps so much to focus on small, daily – even hourly goals instead of the ‘big picture’ which can sometimes be so overwhelming. You are a smart, beautiful woman and I know you can do this. We’ll be here to support you and to encourage you!!
Rachel´s last [type] ..Protect Your Skin with Eucerin
Thank you Rachel! I think that goal setting is a great piece of advice. I think I’ll try using that – even the hourly suggestion.
I agree with this 100% – I call it the “Nothing Else Matters” Moment. The moment that you no longer care that you are tired – you work out anyway. The moment you no longer care that drive through would be easier, you slave over a stove munching on carrots because you are half starving, the moment you wake up an hour early to get the house clean before anyone wakes up because dammit its like shoveling in the snow to clean while they are awake…. If you are truly TRULY unhappy and sick of it – that moment will come, but ONLY when you have truly “had enough”… and then WATCH OUT cause holy crap nothing can stop you LOL
Lynsey @MoscatoMom´s last [type] ..Easy Chocolate Fondue at Home with Velata #Giveaway
Katie, it sounds like you’re very close to where I was back in February. Like you, I was hating myself for being so lazy, overweight and just too tired and uninterested. It took a “rock bottom” moment for me to get the motivation.
I would start with a visit to your doctor and make sure you’re healthy. There’s a lot of hidden illnesses that cause weight gain. After getting checked out you need to find a routine you can enjoy. For me, that’s walking at night. It might be something different for you but I can tell you this, exercise gives you energy. The more I walked the better I felt every day.
Cat Davis – Food Family Finds´s last [type] ..$50 GIVEAWAY | Eat Interesting this Summer & Vote for Your Favorite Mission Meal
You’re not the first to suggest a trip to the doctor. I know I need to go. I just have been putting it off – maybe because I’m afraid of what I might hear. And I absolutely agree that exercise gives you energy. I just need to start doing it.
We are our own worst enemies, you know? You are most certainly not fat! I can totally understand where you’re coming from though. I feel the same way about myself and often. I just wanted to send you love and hugs. I’m here if you need to talk. <3
Cheryl´s last [type] ..Avos Arrow, I kinda want one!
Thanks Cheryl
For me it’s always something like a significant day or event which seems to kick me in the butt and get me moving. This year it was the combination of my birthday and the fact my blood pressure was running consistently high. I couldn’t ignore that so I finally started making some changes.
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell´s last [type] ..One More Getaway Before Summer Is Over!
Thanks Liz. I just need to find something to get me kickstarted.
Hugs!!! It is hard to find the time and motivation. I am in that spot myself. I need to find some motivation to make the time. I don’t have the answer but wanted to give you a hug.
Thanks Beth, I really appreciate it
It is true that you can get yourself into a vicious cycle of “doing nothing”, and that it is very hard to break. But, take it one day at a time. Get off the sofa, even if it is for only ten minutes. Play a lively song and dance with Violet. Take a walk around the yard, and do one small thing to improve it. Take a few minutes to breathe in, breathe out. Then, make an appointment with your doctor and get a checkup, just to make sure there is nothing physically wrong.
Karen´s last [type] ..Hevea Prize Pack Giveaway #Babyshower
Those are really good suggestions – and yes, I am going to make a dr appt here within the next week or two to see if we can figure anything out that way.
Is your doctor able to pinpoint anything? I can understand those low moments, I hope you know you have people here for you, and you are really a beautiful gal, so don’t give up!
Penelope´s last [type] ..What Hilarious Habits Does Your Significant Other (Try To) Hide?
Thanks so much Penelope. I need to make a MD appointment. I think it’s more my fear of finding out that something is wrong that has kept me from going.
Hating yourself NEVER solves the problem and what if you don’t lose weight? Do you want to spend time hating yourself or getting on with living? You’re the same amazing person inside – start nurturing that person and maybe the outside will change. Or maybe you’ll realize that no matter what’s on the outside you’re still an amazing person on the inside and have so much to give. And remember, what you say to yourself and how you treat yourself is being seen by and forming your adorable daughter’s thoughts about herself. What would you say to your daughter if she was the author of the post above?
I love you and your beautiful face at 100 pounds overweight or not. Your size is not who you are. Imagine the greatness you could accomplish if you sat on the couch and counted your blessings instead of your pounds.
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Thank you Connie, I really appreciate your words. And you’re right. I know it has to start by being more kind to myself as who I am now – and then I can focus on ways to make myself better, whatever “better” is
I just want to offer BIG hugs Katie. You are beautiful both inside and out. (((hugs)))
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Thanks Andrea, I really appreciate it
*hug* I think sometimes you just need to hit that point that you start making changes in your life. Which I know is super hard. But you get stuck in a rut and you just stay there.
I hope you can get out of the rut and become more happy!!
Alison´s last [type] ..Hevea Prize Pack #babyshower
You’re totally right. The sad thing is the past few times I’ve hit that point were long before they got to where I am now. Hopefully I hit it soon.
I hope so! I know I’ve felt in a similar situation… and try to change things and it just doesn’t work out. Hopefully when this baby comes I can kick it into gear sooner then 2 years later or something like that. I’m rooting for you!
Alison´s last [type] ..Nivea Lemon and Olive Oil Lip Balm + MenCare + $50 Visa GC Giveaway
I’m so sorry that you’re going through (or putting yourself through) all of this negativity Katie. I find that by choosing the easiest thing first, that one by one things will fall into place. If my weight is up, I don’t have a handle on my blog and my house is a WRECK – by tackling and straightening my house (one room at a time), it creates an order that allows me to feel more in control. I know that sounds silly, but it’s always worked for me.
I’m here if you ever need to talk.
Zipporah Sandler´s last [type] ..What’s on your bucket list?
Thank you so much – and what you said makes perfect sense. Sometimes I am able to get through that one room and then I feel much better about myself.
Try taking D3 and a B complex vitamin each day. It might be just enough to help you get up the energy to start doing what you want. I take them in the early afternoon, when I hit that mid-day slump… surprisingly they do help.
Mom Foodie´s last [type] ..Lemony Summer Veggie Wheat Berry Salad
I will give that a try. I really need to do better with taking my vitamins anyway.
I know how you feel. Keep your head up though!
Meghan @JaMonkey´s last [type] ..Just for Baby Giveaway Hop *
Thanks Meghan
I think many women (and men) can relate from time to time in our lives. I know I’m not happy with how much I weigh, and hate myself a lot. I can’t figure out why, even though I hate my body right now, I lack the motivation to really do something about it. It’s frustrating. {{{hugs}}} to you!
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thanks so much
I’m in this spot myself, I have no energy and have gained 20lbs since last fall because I can’t seem to get to exercise class and when I do, I’m just not into it. I wish I had some advice but I just want to stop by and give you some ((hugs))!
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thank you so much, I really appreciate it
Try CrossFit – your brother loves it, provides structure, proper eating habits, great community and support and it’s scaled to your fitness level and abilities.
I would love to try CrossFit, but unfortunately it just doesn’t fit in our budget. We have a new one that just opened about 6 blocks from our house.
I agree that it takes a “Lightbulb” moment to get yourself in gear. Earlier this year I was considering weight loss surgery. It was a few weeks before my surgery when I thought “I am going to let someone cut 3/4 of my stomach off and pull it through my belly button but I won’t stop drinking sugar and do a workout video?!?!”
That was my moment.
It’s hard when you have little ones. Sometimes, for me, it seemed that there was no light at the end of the tunnel. That I was destined to be frumpy, have apple juice between my toes and smell like baby puke. But then it gets better.
Sorry you are feeling like this now but know that you are NOT alone! We’ve all been there and understand 100%!
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Thank you Jessica
The thought of surgery has also crossed my mind, but we don’t have a ton of extra money for the deductible and copays – plus I know that it’s not just surgery, it’s learning to eat correctly, and if I can’t do that before thinking about surgery, then it won’t be successful after surgery.
Definitely start with going to your doctor, maybe they can point you in the right direction. Then, start SLOW and maybe walk on a treadmill for 20 minutes every other day and build from there. I am feeling the same way right now, my difference is I am pregnant with NO energy and I am fat feeling and that really depresses me to no end. I NEED to get on my treadmill and plan on doing it tonight, not running but just walking. HUGS sweetie. I am here for you!!!!
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thank you Kim, I’m definitely going to try to get into the doctor next week once I get my work schedule figured out.
It’s hard, I totally understand that and can really relate. What I found that really works is starting with baby steps, like making daily goals. For instance, drink at least 80 oz of water a day. This alone, will make you feel full right off the bat. Do you meal plan? If not, that is another great way to get your self to eat better. You can totally do it, and we are all here to support you!!
Hanan´s last [type] ..Staying healthy away from home #Mamavation
Hi Katie – I’m new to the MD Community and saw this post. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have been in your shoes and I know how you feel.
But, if you haven’t been to the doctor in a while, please go and get your thyroid checked. Last May I was feeling super lethargic, gained a lot of extra weight in a short amount of time and felt horrible. I knew something was wrong.
When the blood work came back, my thyroid wasn’t working…at all. I was sent to a specialist and put on synthroid. Within a few weeks, I felt better and within 3 months I felt normal. I’ve been on medication for over a year and I finally feel like myself again.
Take the time to focus on you and make yourself a priority. I know it isn’t easy but when Mama’s not happy, nobody is happy.
{hugs}
Ivette
Ivette Muller´s last [type] ..My First Bountiful Baskets Pick Up Was a Success!
I also agree with a trip to the doctor first, just to rule out any serious issues. Then pick one teeny goal, one you know you can achieve. Make a BIG DEAL about completing the goal, reward yourself, pat yourself on the back, whatever it takes. Then do that again the next day. You are worth it and you can achieve your goals, it just takes a teeny starting step.
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thank you so much
I am totally taking people’s advice about setting goals.
Oh Katie, I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel because I feel that way too sometimes.
Definitely stop beating yourself up and work on one thing at a time. I find that when I do that I am a little more successful than when I try to do it all.
Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy´s last [type] ..Style Makeover from Windows #WindowStyle
Thanks Stacie – I hope you are able to find your happy place too
I hate that you’re feeling this way about yourself. You’ve posted pictures of yourself before and I don’t see someone who’s fat at all and that is definitely not how other people see you either. I think as women, we are always our own worst critics. But I can identify with what you’re going through–I have always had very low self-esteem and I’m struggling to lose weight too. And I think a lot of those same thoughts about myself.
If you’re having problems with depression and a lack of energy in addition to the weight gain, it really could be a thyroid issue (which is easy to fix!), so I agree with everyone above who said to get checked out by a doctor. And if not, then you at least have the peace of mind knowing that’s not the problem & you can move on from there. Are you still doing Weight Watchers? I’m counting calories now, but I just started the 30 Day Shred & I lost 3 pounds so far on it–it’s only 20 minutes a day too, so no matter how exhausted I am & how lazy I’m feeling (I HATE exercise!), I can make myself do that. I’m sure you can find something that will work for you and if you need support or someone to vent to, I’m here for you, just like everyone who commented before me!
Kiersten @ Oh My Veggies´s last [type] ..Recipe | Stuffed Pattypan Squash with Quinoa and Fresh Corn
I was doing Weight Watchers, and when I stick to it it works. It’s staying focused and sticking to it that gets hard for me. My goal now is to work on eating less and moving more. It’s only day one, but you have to have a day one before you can make progress, right?
This is something that I think most working moms feel pretty much all the time. We do so much for everyone else and we just kind of put our own needs to the side, assuming we’ll get to them “someday.” Eventually, you get to the point where you don’t think you CAN change, even if you wanted to. Please realize that you do NOT have to be superwoman all the time. Take some time to just be YOU and don’t allow yourself to be so overwhelmed. Maybe if you write out a schedule, you will feel like you’re more capable of getting to everything or maybe you’ll find that something just has to go (I seriously learned this from the Berenstein Bears…OMG that’s sad LOL). Once you get it all written out and you can see where your time is going, maybe you can start to work toward a more manageable schedule.
I hope you can find some time for yourself, because that’s what you need! Big hugs!
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Thank you Lindsay, I really appreciate it. And I’ll take your Berenstein Bears advice
I’ve had my moments when I felt this way, especially about my weight. I had gone to the DR and they found nothing physically wrong with me and it took me a long time to realize that I have the power over myself and my feelings. Once it clicked, I lost over 50 lbs.
I know some people have chemical imbalances and other issues that they can’t control (def. see your doctor asap), but in many cases the answer lies within yourself. You are only the things that you say you are if you THINK that way. If you think “I am strong. I am beautiful. I am in control” – you will be, and you will start to see a change in yourself.
Kim @ What’s That Smell?´s last [type] ..Animation meets live action with Dreamworks How To Train Your Dragon LIVE show
I think you’re completely right. It’s finding the strength to 1. start and 2. keep going. Well, today I started. Now it’s finding the strength to keep going. And I’m making a dr’s appointment for next week.
I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much, Katie. That is definitely not a nice cycle to be in. No one can tell you do this or do that as it is easier said than done. Plus, no one can understand EXACTLY what you are feeling. I can tell you this though: It’s okay to not be how you were before. It’s okay to ask for and accept help. It’s okay that things are not perfect. You are doing the best you can and have a family that loves you. If you focus on all the things you can’t do or aren’t doing, it will just drag you deeper. If you can try one thing such as making dinner just one night or doing one load of laundry – that’s fantastic. There are various ways to change but it has to be at a rate you can actually cope with. The biggest thing – DO NOT COMPARE yourself to others as that is the worst thing to do if you cope with feelings of worthlessness. As for food, that can be related to stress management – for which there are group sessions to help.
If it is a chemical imbalance, which it does sound like, there’s nothing wrong with going to the doctor. Such mental issues are real, as real as any sickness that may require medication.
Many hugs! You are always welcome to talk to me as I deal with some similar issues and at least have a good idea of how to work with the symptoms and minimize them.
TerriAnn @ Cookies & Clogs´s last [type] ..FREE Haircuts for Kids at JCP During August!
Thank you TerriAnn – I think it helped to get it out here and get perspective from so many people. The combination of everything absolutely gives me plenty to go on!
Just take things one step at a time. You can do this. We both can!
Paula @ Frosted Fingers´s last [type] ..Mott’s Medley Fruit Snacks Quick #Giveaway
Thanks Paula – you have done an awesome job yourself!
You are beautiful, so don’t you think ANY different.
The others have said so well everything I want to say, so I just want you to know that I believe in you,
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Thank you so much Mandy
It definitely took me a rock bottom type moment to get my butt into gear, but unfortunately I didn’t fall back into the rhythm well enough. I keep having to remind myself that I need to keep going. It’s been easier in the last couple of weeks because my husband is on board now too, but just know that it happens to all of us, and you may stumble and fall, but we’ll all be there to help you back up again! Now that you recognize the problem, you can work toward the solution, and I know you’re plenty capable! The first step is always the hardest. Do I sound like a motivational poster yet??
Joanna´s last [type] ..Imagination and Adventure Make White Raven Shine
thanks! Yes, the hardest thing is when you are motivated and your husband isn’t on board (or doesn’t recognize my triggers0. But I do wish he’d help a little more around the house too. Thanks so much for the motivation!
Hugs Katie. You are a great person. We all get overwhelmed time to time, so just breath and keep going!~
I try to find joy in the little things!
trisha
trisha´s last [type] ..Are homeopathic methods important to you?
thanks Trisha, I appreciate it