I don’t want to write this post, but then I feel like it will be therapeutic to do so. Two years ago today, we lost our cat Fluff to kidney failure. We also went close to broke trying to save her life, but I’d do it again in a minute if it meant we’d have her back.
She was only 7. When she was 4, we first found out she had kidney issues and had a procedure to remove stones lodged in her ureter. And went half broke in the process. A few months later, Violet was born and Fluff knew her role in life was to love and care for Violet.
She slept with Violet in her crib (yes, mom of the year, here), watched over her while she played, and would put up with all the “tough love” an infant and toddler had to give to a kitty. And she came back for more. She never got to be a mom of her own, so Violet was her chance to show her maternal side. And she did a great job.
Her real name was Helton. When we adopted her, they told us she was a he. Oops. We didn’t find out for 2 1/2 years – when she had her first kidney issues. Fortunately, I think she forgave us. But she was so fluffy and cuddly that we started calling her Fluff or Flufferbutt. She was still Helton when she was in trouble.
It’s so odd, I’ve lost two grandparents, two aunts, 2 dogs and 2 cats along with a few friends and losing Fluff has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through. For the first year I had a horrible time coping. I would have panic attacks when I’d drive by or even near the vet where she passed. I would fall asleep crying, even months after, wishing I would have or could have done more – even though we did more than most anyone could or would do. I was a wreck. For a whole year. And then the year anniversary happened last year and the crying stopped. And the panic attacks lessened. It was almost like a switch was turned off.
That doesn’t mean I don’t still miss her or wish she were here to see Violet grow and continue to love her. That doesn’t mean I’m not crying while writing this about her. But it was like something told me that it was ok.
She wasn’t supposed to die, she was supposed to have successful surgery and come home with us. I wasn’t supposed to have to hold her in my arms and feel her heart stop beating – even though all I was holding to begin with was a broken down shell of her, weakened by her kidneys shutting down and dialysis. I wasn’t supposed to try to explain why she was gone to my 2 1/2 year old. But it all happened.
But it happened. And my heart was broken. And while there will always be a Fluff-sized hole in it, my heart will continue to grow to have room to love other pets.
So now it’s two years, and the pain has subsided and the tears and panic attacks don’t come often, if at all anymore. We adopted a new girl kitty about six months after she passed, Dharma Lou. While she actually did give birth to her own kittens before we adopted her, she doesn’t have that maternal gene towards Violet that Fluff did. It’s ok. She’s her own cat. Fluff was just special in her own way the way that Dharma is in hers.
Miss you sweet girl. Still.
About Katie
So beautifully written, Katie, that was perfect. I remember your stories about Fluff & Violet, and a few discussions regarding her health trials & tribulations. Although her time with you was too short, the special impact she had on many is unforgettable. You are such a good kitty Mom, Fluff was a lucky cat, and Violet’s even luckier.
Big hugs! Right before Christmas we had to put our kitty down do to kidney failure too. Pets are such an important part of the family, and it’s always hard to say goodbye.
Elizabeth A.´s last [type] ..Kitty Snacks
It’s super tough. We have lost a few pets, but this one was the hardest. I’m sorry about your kitty.
Sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. Some animals do indeed have personalities so much bigger than their fuzzy bodies.
Robin {Mom Foodie}´s last [type] ..Blueberry-Oatmeal Pancakes: A Heart Smart Recipe (gluten-free)
I completely understand. Losing a pet is so hard. Major hugs <3
Shell Fruscione´s last [type] ..LISTERINE 21-Day Challenge: The Results!
I can so sympathize with this. Two years ago, we lost our cat Diego, also at 7 years old, to a disease called FIP. And we also went through our savings to try to save him. When we found out we’d have to put him to sleep, I told my husband that I would never be the same afterwards and that I would never get over it, which sounds overly dramatic, but it was true–it still feels like a punch in the gut whenever I think about it. Fluff sounds like she had such a big heart–I’m so sorry you had to lose her at such a young age.
Kiersten @ OMV´s last [type] ..What I Ate This Week | My Newest Baked Potato Chip Obsession
When Fluff first got sick about 5 years ago, our original vet thought she had FIP which really is rare in older cats (much more common in kittens), so I know how sad & scary FIP is because I did a ton of research about it when we thought she had it. I’m really sorry about your kitty
Yeah, they kept telling us, well, it could be this, this, or FIP, but we really don’t think it’s FIP because Diego is 7 years old. And he just wouldn’t get better, so they finally tested him for the fluids in his abdomen and confirmed that it was FIP. Like Fluff was to you, he was such a special cat to us. I mean, I love all our cats, but he was the one who followed us around like a puppy and had all those funny little personality quirks. It’s tough losing a cat at middle age because by that point, they have become such a part of your life & you just kind of assume they’re going to be around for 5-10 more years…
Kiersten @ Oh My Veggies´s last [type] ..Recipe | Peanut Udon Noodles with Snow Peas
(((HUGS))) Losing anyone you love is very difficult.
Kathy´s last [type] ..IRON MAN 3 – New Poster
I’m so sorry.
Jenn @therebelchick´s last [type] ..Disney Pixar’s Monsters University Hits Theaters June 21st!
sorry for the loss… it’s always painful when there’s a goodbye.
Mumseword´s last [type] ..Fit & Fab Friday: Serving Sizes are important
Big Hugs! I’m sure she was happy to bring you so much joy and to have such a loving home to spend her days.
Losing a pet is tough. So glad she got to be a part of Violet’s life, though!
Virginia @thatbaldchick´s last [type] ..VTech Safe&Sound
I’ve been going through something similar. My bulldog has been gone for about 14 months now and it has gotten a lot easier, especially since the beginning. I was pregnant when she passed and everyone was afraid I was going to go into preterm labor I was having such a hard time with it. I felt like I was losing my child – she also died at 7 and the surgery that was supposed to fix her, didn’t. I still think about her everyday but the memories are turning to the happy times instead of the fact she’s no longer here. ((Hugs, Katie))
Kelly @ Texas Type A Mom´s last [type] ..Easter Dress Shopping with Cookie’s Kids
Just like people, they all really do have their individual quirks. I’m glad you have such sweet memories of your he/she cat.
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell´s last [type] ..Cover to Cover!
I am so sorry for you loss. Pets really do become or family and for that they are always missed.
Rachel´s last [type] ..Genghisisms
It so hard to lose a pet. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry, we lost our two kitties 2 years ago. They were 17 and 18. But a year later, we adopted 2 kittens that fill us with joy!
Anne – Mommy Has to Work´s last [type] ..Oz The Great and Powerful – Opens Today – March 8th!!