You know how people will ask “what’s your most embarrassing moment”? Most of the time I give some sort of response like “whatever it was, it must have been traumatic enough that I can’t remember it”, or perhaps I really never have had a “most embarrassing moment”.
It’s the kind of stuff that makes for inclusion in a Jim Carrey movie or something like that. And it happened to me.
Yesterday we went to the Colorado Rockies fan photo day before the game. People crowd around the warning track of the field for the chance to take photos with their favorite players. It was about 95 degrees and Violet hadn’t had a nap and was rather cranky. She LOVES the Rockies, especially Todd Helton – arguably the most popular player in the franchise’s short history. But I’ve come to realize that she loves these guys on TV – in person we get the Santa Claus effect. Scream and run.
So, the event begins. The first two players who come to our area are Jason Giambi and Todd Helton. Great! Two of our favorites! But Violet sees Helton and the meltdown begins. My husband had to take her and leave, even though just earlier in the day she said “I want to bring my ball and glove and play catch with Helton” and she refers to him as “My friend Helton”.
As Scott is leaving with Violet, other people begin to push to get his spot. The only thing keeping us contained and away from the players are ropes with flags on them attached with packing tape to orange cones. Orange cones that are in no way supportive and will crumble if pressure is applied.
Because Todd Helton and Jason Giambi are very popular players, there is QUITE the rush for Scott’s spot. As people are pushing and shoving, I am pushed into the orange cone.
What happens now is ingrained in my brain in slow motion. As I am pushed into the cone, it begins to crumple. I begin to fall in what seems like slow motion. I reach forward to brace myself on the person right in front of me, afraid of falling completely over, with absolutely no control of my balance. My hand reaches forward and my fall is stopped. And then I realize where my hand is:
on Todd Helton’s crotch
At this point I wasn’t sure if I should laugh, cry, apologize profusely, or look for a shovel to dig a hole to hide in.
I chose to apologize profusely, what seemed like 20 times. He laughed it off and told me “I wasn’t going to let you fall, don’t worry!”
I’m not sure if anyone else around us even realized what happened with all the chaos of pushing and shoving. I’m hoping no one captured it on film. And I’m so glad he was able to laugh at it instead of, you know, calling security or something.