If I had a shovel, I’d have dug a hole

You know how people will ask “what’s your most embarrassing moment”? Most of the time I give some sort of response like “whatever it was, it must have been traumatic enough that I can’t remember it”, or perhaps I really never have had a “most embarrassing moment”.

Until now.

It’s the kind of stuff that makes for inclusion in a Jim Carrey movie or something like that. And it happened to me.

Yesterday we went to the Colorado Rockies fan photo day before the game. People crowd around the warning track of the field for the chance to take photos with their favorite players. It was about 95 degrees and Violet hadn’t had a nap and was rather cranky. She LOVES the Rockies, especially Todd Helton – arguably the most popular player in the franchise’s short history. But I’ve come to realize that she loves these guys on TV – in person we get the Santa Claus effect. Scream and run.

So, the event begins. The first two players who come to our area are Jason Giambi and Todd Helton. Great! Two of our favorites! But Violet sees Helton and the meltdown begins. My husband had to take her and leave, even though just earlier in the day she said “I want to bring my ball and glove and play catch with Helton” and she refers to him as “My friend Helton”.

As Scott is leaving with Violet, other people begin to push to get his spot. The only thing keeping us contained and away from the players are ropes with flags on them attached with packing tape to orange cones. Orange cones that are in no way supportive and will crumble if pressure is applied.
photo credit Angela Galli
Because Todd Helton and Jason Giambi are very popular players, there is QUITE the rush for Scott’s spot. As people are pushing and shoving, I am pushed into the orange cone.

What happens now is ingrained in my brain in slow motion. As I am pushed into the cone, it begins to crumple. I begin to fall in what seems like slow motion. I reach forward to brace myself on the person right in front of me, afraid of falling completely over, with absolutely no control of my balance. My hand reaches forward and my fall is stopped. And then I realize where my hand is:

on Todd Helton’s crotch

At this point I wasn’t sure if I should laugh, cry, apologize profusely, or look for a shovel to dig a hole to hide in.

I chose to apologize profusely, what seemed like 20 times. He laughed it off and told me “I wasn’t going to let you fall, don’t worry!”

I’m not sure if anyone else around us even realized what happened with all the chaos of pushing and shoving. I’m hoping no one captured it on film. And I’m so glad he was able to laugh at it instead of, you know, calling security or something.

We both managed to pull ourselves together fairly well for a photo.

(Ok, he looks a little traumatized. Who am I kidding?)

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About Katie

Katie is the owner of Katie Talks About... A working mom to Violet, born Sept. 2008, and wife to Scott since Aug. 2006. We live in suburban Denver, CO. I love baseball, good beer, my cats, and long naps!


  1. HAHAHAHA! What a Memory though right!???
    Not So Average Mama – Brandy´s last blog post ..Free Shampoo and Style from Ulta!

  2. Kim says:

    I have to admit that I totally laughed out loud. On the up side, while embarrassing now, how many people will ever have a story like that to tell! & You probably caught his cup, so he didn’t feel a thing. ; )
    Kim´s last blog post ..Meet @TheMorrisBunch

    • Katie says:

      Sadly, no, he didn’t have his cup on since it was 2 1/2 hours before the game started & they changed uniforms!!

      • Kim says:

        Ok, you’re making my family think I’m insane with the laughing at seemingly nothing. It really is a great story & one day you’ll be over the embarrassment & will just see the hilarity in it! & you have a halfway decent shot at him never forgetting you!
        Kim´s last blog post ..Meet @TheMorrisBunch

  3. Jen says:

    Ahhhhh Katie – you are too cute! I am sorry for your fall, but it will always be a nice story :)
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  4. Sam says:

    LOL! Not everyone can say their most embarrassing moment involved a celebrity!
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  5. trisha says:

    yeah probably grabbing anyones crotch ranks up there in embarrassing moments in history
    trisha´s last blog post ..Over the Top Children’s Playhouses

  6. Carolyn G says:

    OMG hilarious! Thank goodness he was cool about it

  7. Rachel says:

    Love it.

    I bet he will never forget you!
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  8. Jenn says:

    Now I”m laughing, but at first I held my hand over my open mouth. I would have died!
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  9. Nicole says:

    that is sheer amazingness and utterly humiliating at the same time.
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  10. This made me laugh! It just begs the question … exactly how much of a cushion *could* he have provided had you actually fallen?
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  11. Kenda says:

    All I keep thinking is, “Hmmm….I wonder if I can make this work at the next RedSox game…” lmao
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  12. Mandy says:

    LOL!! OMG!!! Well, sounds like you had a handle on things!! Ha! Glad he was such a great sport!
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  13. Erin says:
  14. Karen says:

    I am still laughing!
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  15. Kathleen says:

    Oh Katie, I am sorry but that is hilarious. I am sure it was not very funny at the time. I love that you still got your photo!
    Kathleen´s last blog post ..Keeping Your Kids Healthy – When’s the Last Time You Read the Label?

  16. Henrietta says:

    Hahahaha!!! Hey at least it’s a funny story you can tell right! He does look a tiny bit traumatized lol :)
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  17. That is completely hilarious!!! And do tell…. LOL just kidding.

    Actually….DO tell!

  18. Rob says:

    LOL. That is way to funny. I am sure he was ok with it. Of all places for your hand to land. HAHA

    • Katie says:

      A guy friend commented on Google+ that he was pretty sure it wasn’t the first time a girl did that to him! ;) But I promise mine wasn’t intentional!

  19. Rob says:

    LOL. That is way to funny. I am sure he was ok with it. Of all places for your hand to land. HAHA

  20. Sky says:

    O.M.G. I would have just died! What a great experience, er…well, you know. Meeting and getting a photo with him though. You just got a little bit more than everyone else, think of it that way. Ha!
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  21. Bobbie says:

    OMG! That is so VERY embarrassing!
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  22. LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! OMGish that’s hilarious!!! He’s not bad looking though…
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  23. Hey I bet NO ONE ELSE EVER can say they have that kind of souvenir from a ball game LMAO
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    • Katie says:

      So what you’re saying is that I shouldn’t have ever washed that hand then, huh? Maybe I could have had him autograph it also!

  24. Kelly says:

    OMG that’s hilarious! At least it happened with someone you liked and you got a good laugh out of it! And a picture!
    Kelly´s last blog post ..Inspirational Quotes and Proverbs

  25. Andrew says:

    Hah! That’s not an embarrassing story, that’s an awesome story! The only bad thing is your husband probably missed the whole thing!! And hey, I doubt there are many guys out there who’d probably complain about getting felt up. ;) (Nice guy, though, for laughing, saying he’d keep you from falling and for taking a photo with you!)

  26. Jenn says:

    At least he didn’t start screaming “rape! Rape!” lol

  27. OMG this is hilarious! I can only hope that some cute guys crotch breaks my fall sometime soon. ;)
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  28. Becca says:

    That’s the best story! He looks fine lol
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  29. At least ONE of you got to play “catch” with Helton. LOL!!!!
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  30. He probably was wearing a sport cup and didn’t feel a thing…lol
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  31. Mary says:

    OMG I don’t know if I would have been able to take a picture with him. I would have died.

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